Squatting was mine to keep now. The technique caught on like wildfire among the guys in my platoon. Soon, we were crapping all over Kandahar — in pomegranate orchards, in grape fields, on the floors of abandoned compounds, into the cold, clear waters of meandering streams. My old squad leader recently sent me a thumb drive with photos from our deployment, including at least a dozen photos — and one video — of guys taking tactical deuces.
We were prisoners of our old ways. I remember lying in my sleeping bag one night toward the end of that deployment, thinking about all the cool stuff I was going to waste my deployment money on when I got home. That was my plan. But the second I stepped foot back on American soil, the idea of shitting in my backyard like some sort of deranged cat lady seemed completely absurd.
It still does.
One hour indexing
I never moved into that dream house. I live in an apartment in Brooklyn, and my bed is small. Pretty much all of the bad tendencies I had before the Army — the drinking, the laziness, the lack of regard for my physical and mental health — have returned. In Afghanistan, I learned that the best way to take a dump is with your knees up and your back straight, but I saw the light and turned away.
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